A bit weary tonight...

I am a bit weary tonight kids. I am questioning my ability to understand God's leading. I fear
that I bit off more than I can chew, I fear I agreed to more of me going to someone else instead of you. I agreed to work. I agreed because I felt God leading me there and thought it would be best for you. And it was a great year. Summer has been wonderful. But at the end of July I agreed to two 13 year old girls living with us for 9 days. That was nice. But then I agreed to having a 17 year old girl live with us for 10 and 1/2 months. I took it on because I thought it was what God was leading me to do. I had been praying about how he would want to use me and how would want to grow US, you and me. Not just me. But now as I wearily kissed you good night after a story for each of you at 10pm on a summer night after youth...I ask, can I keep this up? Yet I will keep going because He causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love him and are called to His purposes! Amen! We can trust Him! So Father work in me...lead me, help me to use my time the way you would...please bless us with your presence!

I have one fear that sits on my shoulders every day...am I wasting precious time with you? I wasted more time when I didn't take you to work with me. I'm sorry. I spent so much time managing the chaos instead of jumping in and enjoying it a bit. Going to work allowed me to jump in. Maybe I need to pull back from youth...clearly I must spend some time in prayer. In His presence, instead of my worries and thought in my head. In His word that grounds me...that's like sanity after a nightmare.

Here are some pictures of the last week :)

 Trent...when you snuggle up to me to watch a show we are not allowed to start until you are all settled and you usually bring a bunch of stuff. Today was an angry bird, nerf gun, transformer and your new lovely bobo the bird.

 National night out for the police dept.

 national night out, free mcdonalds smoothies

 You both getting ready to great Nichole from china

 Mom and Dad got costco cards and went shopping....alone :)

 Amber and Vicky, two exchange students that were with us for 9 days

 Mr Brian loves you and always spends time with you. He let you chill in the sound booth at church and explain stuff to you...

We are reading little house on the prarie!

August 1

As I type this Trent you are sweeping up the glitter that you got into and dumped all over the floor and Presley you are demanding the grapes off my plate. Bradley and Parker are coming over to go swimming at Mr Goosemans house, my freshly straightened up house is quickly falling apart. And I'm getting irritated and frustrated because all I want to do is eat my sandwich and figure out how to use this google plus thing to upload the pictures straight from my phone!! And now I just called you over, since you're either fighting over the sweeping job of the glitter or play fighting each other, to explain what I am doing for you...writing this blog so that we can all rememeber these precious times!!LOL. Yes they are precious and while I still slip up and lose my cool when I know better...we are thriving more these days than surviving.

In the care singing "the ants go marching one by one hurrah hurrah..." You guys kept saying "Just one more time please!!!!"

You finally fell asleep....you guys...just talk talk talk, play play play. It is hard to share a bed. But it is almost over, our exchange students go home in three days!

You left your blanky in SF and  I think I am more sad than you :( boo....I remember nursing you with the blanket and rubbing it on your cheek. You used to call it mamma, then manuk, then banket, then blanket. But I love birds, and you do too. You have found a new lovey, I think.

At you 4 year check-up. All good!

Washing you in a quick rinse int he sink.

batdog! You picked the star wars theme music for the paw lol.

"I am just rearranging the cookies mamma" sure Trent, sure ya are.

A Bit of a Summary of 2 years

It has truly been so, so long since I posted. Much has happened in 2 years. Where to begin?

I lived in stay at home mommy land for 3 years and 1 month. I am absolutely in awe at what God did next. Just as I was really drowning in what felt like failed parenting (not so failed as overwhelmed) endless days of endless clean-up...I was really struggling in the joy. At the end of 2010 I had a bit of a faith crisis that led me to cry out to God for Him to do whatever He wanted. Daddy did the same. We thought for a while we would move to San Francisco and work in an intercity ministry-we help (daddy's on the board for the 2013 year) but didn't move. We struggled with feeling out of place at a church that we had always felt right at home in for a decade. We had all these passions, feelings of being called, burdens for the hurting and lost in the world-yet not much of an outlet or a clear path. So we stayed put. And prayed. And fasted. So in the summer of 2013 we find our selves here:

• I work for a Church that has an amazing ministry in the form of a preschool and elementary school. I lead worship for both. I teach music and ipads to the preschoolers and do the Christmas and end of the year program and some in between. I work from 8-1230. You both come with me. Trent you are in the Pre-school and surrounded by women who LOVE you to pieces. You grab the hearts of all. Presley you attend the elementary school and you are loved by the teachers as they see your passion, your tender heart that beats strong for what is right, for God, for people, and hurts with those who hurt. 
• Daddy started a ministry of feet washing, hair cutting and makeovers, music, clothing distribution, prayer tent and a way for our church to be the hands and feet of Jesus...at a soup kitchen here locally. We are continuing to see what God will do with the relationships we are building with those that attend the soup kitchen. Many are on drugs, many are depressed, many fought in our wars, many are lost. I don't make you go. You want to at this point. 
• We are still at Heritage Christian fellowship, the home church of where so many have surrounded and loved us  and still do. We minister with the high school youth group. You go every wednesday night and play play play with Marley and Blaise. You both seem love it and cant wait to go. I lead worship for highschool and occasionally for main service. 
• Daddy still works on computers and works so hard for all of us. We love and adore him and thank God for taking care of us through Daddy. 
• We are getting ready to open our home to Nichole. She is 17 and from China. Presley, you agreed to give up your room for her. I feel like this is answer to prayer when I told God that I wanted to live for him, and share Him with others. It is way more about the ONE than it is about the masses. I pray that Nichole will leave here knowing our amazing God and giving her life to Him. I can't wait to see what God does with our simple willingness to be uncomfortable for the hope that someone else may know Him. 

There are other things going on...but this is a snap shot of where we are today. We do not plan too much, we may be in a whole other place in a year. The most important thing in that the only place we build our home is in the Kingdom of God we work hard, try to live simple and frugal and keep our eyes on the mission TO KNOW GOD AND TO MAKE HIM KNOWN.

With Love,
Momma

Summer Days!

July 31, 2013

 Trent, your very best friend Caleb came down from Sacramento to stay with us a bit. You both play so well together. He is a bit more opinionated than you when it comes to what you play, but you are super goofy and just want to giggle and play play play. You are a good match. You often ask about him and I know you miss him.

 Presley, I took this panoramic picture of your room right now. I took it because we just signed up to accept an exchange student from China for 9 months! You are ok with it, but definitely bummed that you will have to give up your room. I admire your openness to what God has for you in your life. You amaze me daily baby girl and I love you.

 Trent, you love art-I actually uploaded the wrong pic. But there is this app that lets you create beautiful artistic trees with the stroke of your fingers and you were just amazed with it. We had a precious time just sitting together on the couch playing it together on a late summer night.

 Daddy gave this to me for our 9th anniversary. Not sure what you think of it Pres. lol. However it is a famous painting and has sentimental value. Back when Daddy and I were dating (I was 19 he, 21) I gave this to him in a card. Just a sweet kiss between two people who love each other.

 This is how you swim in the pool. And this is how you plug your nose. You are such a goofball...love it!

 Exchange students staying with us and Nana. Presley you love being around Chinese people.

 How you both play together.

 I let you paint my nails. You didn't know this but I went in the bathroom and repainted them so that I could keep it on for a few days and you wouldn't know! It's about 3 days later and I still have the sparkle blue and purple nail polish on :) just didn't want to hurt your feelings and take it off...since it was all over the finger tips as well. I love you.

 ABS mouse.com We are working hard at getting you up to 1st grade (private school ) level! I am just one of those mommas who would rather see you taking in the world and playing than at a desk learning. I had no idea we would wind up with me working at a Christian school with free tuition for you! You are amazing and thank-you for helping heal the hurts of my horrible school experience through you! You love learning...and you are eager!

 While we do school, you are learning too.

 And the following pictures is what happens when I try to get you to sleep during the day...

 you are always playing

 and teasing

 it's like you have the energy to supply the whole house!

 Then I said "just pretend for a sec ok?"

 Look who got to stay up late and play old maid with momma!

And Trent...last night was rough. Presley tried to go without a pullup to sleep but didn't make it. Lots of commotion in the middle of the night. You had enough and grabbed your blanket and went to the couch. You look like a teenager here to me!

With Love,
Momma

Kids are OUT of control and Irvine Park

 My precious, beautiful, perfect children are out of control! My two year old is obsessed with his poop, hitting, pirates and coloring anything but paper. He is impulsive, destructive and...well, normal for a 2 year old boy. So my sweet supportive friends keep telling me. Presley is Trent's partner in crime and often gets Trent to do the dirty work (I am finally catching on).  So we are in need of a schedule, consistent discipline, less TV, patience and love from their mother. In addition a good incentive/reward chart. I wrote many of the things she does in a day on Popsicle sticks. She starts out with all of them (projects, dress ups, Polly pockets, riding her bike, TV etc) As we complete them they go to the "I got this" she can see her progress and I can praise her for them throughout the day. If she loses them, they go to I lost this. The reminder is there for her to see. I can also be flexible with that as well, allowing her to earn it back. in addition to this I started a jar that has really special things written on popsicle sticks like a family night, watching a special movie, not having to nap and so on. I will let her pull from the jar when she has an exceptional day. I am still thinking about what Incentive I could do for Trent. The only thing he really cares about in life is his pirate hat and candy so I can only hand so much of that out and plus with childhood obesity and all....now the most important ingredient....momma must have a quiet time with Jesus and lots of prayer. I feel like I have hit my first real challenge that I will face in parenting. I feel very overwhelmed that I am going to get so behind in the discipline that it is very difficult to come back from.

 Each week that passes by, though Trent's screaming and tantrums have increased, but his ability to engage and enjoy and even focus is getting better. He had a blast at Irvine park...every animal was pure excitement for him.

Being goofy next to the goat

 Presley...still my observant concerned Presley...when she is not sure of something she stands back and observes and isn't really worried as much as concerned...love her.

"no, I don't want a picture" then folds  arms...

Nutella and PB sandwiches...mmmm

park day isn't a park day without at least one timeout!!

This, that and a spat...

For Halloween we took the kids to a "Trunk or Treat" event at our church. People decorated their cars with games out of their trunk. The sanctuary was turned into a bunch of little activities for the kids. It was low key AND I loved that. The next night we went trick or treating with our friends to about 10 houses. Trent was amazed at first that all he had to say was trick or treat and he would get candy! After the first few houses he just walked slowly behind eating his candy. Presley looked just beautiful as Mulan. She played the part beautifully. Trent was a pirate and he also played that part beautifully!

We are busy as usual. I am very happy about the time change.  I have allowed Presley to stop napping and instead go to bed early. Terry and I were really losing our quiet evenings together because they were not getting to bed until 9 9:30. Without a nap she is really tired and truly ready for bed.

Soon we will take a trip up north to San Fransisco to help serve in the Tenderloin community http://www.sfcityimpact.com and we will possibly see if what God has been stirring in our hearts is a call to be up there more or permanently.  We are going with two other families and our own children. We will stay in our time share but then head down for a day back into the tenderloin area to serve at one of their events. We shall see...I desire to live like our life is not our own.

We put a full bed in Presley's room. It's actually really precious because that was Terry's Nie nie's bed.  She loves her big girl bed and it didn't cost us a thing! We can bless our children without having to lavish them with expensive items! not to say you can never spend money on our kids...just for us to know we don't HAVE to have money to bless our children.

Yesterday on the way to church we made memories, bad memories by having an insignificant spat on the way to church. We became THAT family. Selfish, controlling flesh reared it's ugly head as we defended our positions. If I say sorry first, then I'm his doormat, if he says sorry first than he's mine. So it continued. As I sat in worship tight lipped angry at myself I cried out in my head to the Lord. Why do you love someone like me that tramples your grace by putting myself before what's important and even best for me? I can never be used by you because of this. I'm not worthy...but my response this time was different as the enemy told me the truth of the state of my heart and the sin I committed in an attempt to keep me down. I began to see that this is how an vicious cycle of a Christians walk is kept ineffective! I got out my sword and sliced him down as I raised my hands and boldly proclaimed "o praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead" it will never be because of any greatness in me that I stand approved  before God but by his atonement from the cross. I can hold my head up when I fail not because the sin I committed wasn't that bad, oh it was, but because he paid the debt I owe because of it...now onto kingdom thinking and Jesus living again!!! It ended with repentance to each other and our children and a vow to take hold of the overcoming power that we have in Christ Jesus, the Holy Spirit!  I know that we can never avoid disagreeing again, but I praise God, giving Him all the glory for the help He has given us to grow away from patterns of the past and are changed to look more and more like Him.

In other insignificant things, today I hurt my foot. I can hardly walk on it. Ahh...I had so many plans today. Park, laundry put away, organization, dr.s for annual checkup. Not being able to put much pressure if any on it has thrown a wrench into the plans. I think it's just a strained something and will get better quick.

That is a few of the things that stick out in my mind of the last two weeks or so...