One month in two days

My last blog post was 4 weeks ago. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. Trent was born on July 4 and 5:12 in the morning. The coolest thing about his birthday is that he shares it with our Pastor, who has been a second father to me. Of course, fourth of July is cool too.

WOW. Well??? I completely underestimated how hard it is with TWO. Trent in the first 8 days was ANGEL BABY. Slept all the time. I remember our neighbor jokingly saying to me, careful they fool you for the first two weeks (she has three). First of all after labor I was great until I couldn't stop bleeding. That threw me a bit, never been so weak in my life. When we got home I got a UTI which was frustrating. But the hardest part has been, once my milk came in and got established around the 8the day or so...Trent took a turn for the COLICKY behavior of sorts. After three times to the doctor, and visits to lactation nurses...we have found ourselves at the exact same place with our daughter. A reflux baby with a mommy that has an overactive letdown and WAY TOO MUCH MILK (a good delima I know) equals super gassy baby with reflux. Thank-God we got this under somewhat control sometime this past week because we knew what we were dealing with. Now I only feed from one side at every feeding and Trent is on a high dose of zantac. He now goes in a swing, the bouncy seat and is muh more comfortable. Thank the Lord for all who were praying.

One thing I did not expect was to be so blue again. I thought that me being a second time mom, I would not be so overwhelmed like I was with the first, that I wouldn't have the emotional hormonal upset I had like I did with Presley. But I did, and I am. BUT that is more that ok. God is once again painfully teaching me that HE IS MY ROCK. I believe he lead me to this scripture this morning:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

When the Devil is at our "door step" waiting for the moment to pounce on us...as Christians we must remember our promise from God. These exact words are what I needed to hear and God knew it. I have grown more closer to my husband in appreciation and gratitude than ever before. My mother and I have had healing in our relationship as well. So much good has come out of it already. I know that just like with Presley, the blues and the difficult stage of newborn baby will pass. In a few weeks, I will be looking back at this time that is one of the hardest in my life with a bigger sense of who God is. I have so much to praise God for on top of just the fact that he IS. And I do.

Thank-you Lord for your unfailing love. Your faithfulness I cling to. I can not live without you as the most important thing in my life. We are so low, so helpless but you are so gracious, merciful and kind. Thank-you for protecting us from the devourer.

Due in Three Days

So this is what it's like, the countdown of waiting for a new baby. It's way different than Presley. I don't remember anything other than a strong desire to hold Presley, never a desire for the discomfort to be over. Probably becuase there wasn't any. I never had contractions that would lead to anything, no bloody show, no mucus plug, no cramping. On the Saturday one day after my due date I felt tired. The next early morning my water broke and then they induced me and I had a hellish labor (in my opinion...and that's the only one that counts, right??!!).

So this discomfort and frustation with still being pregnant...is new. Walking around at 3cm dialated and 75% effaced, with hands that can't make a fist not just due to swelling, but actual pain with carpal tunel is new. With feet that have plantar fascitis, and a many other plethera of pregnancy symptoms I won't bore even myself with. I keep having regular contractions for a couple hours, just to turn into light cramping and more bloody show. All the while caring for my adorable toddler (who just came out crying to show me her new pajamas with her artwork with a ball point pen all over the front). Where the heck did she get that pen from???!!!

If we are just talking pregnancies, I feel with this baby I have joined the ranks of all the other women who at this point just want the baby out (ofcourse still scared of labor though). I didn't understand with the first, but now I do. So if you are by chance reading this and my first perfect pregnancy made you feel less then for hating yours...I am so sorry. But take comfort in knowing that...I am now experiencing the cliche saying "paybacks are a _____".

So sarcasm aside...I can't wait to meet this little guy. I can't wait to see if Presley is enamored with Trent, or asks me to put him back in my belly. I can't wait to hold Presley from the front again an give her huge hugs. I can't wait to see Trent held by his amazing Daddy. I can't wait to see what our family picture looks like with four. I can't wait for the next chapter that God has for us.

All in all....it is DEFINITLEY worth the weight.