Cute picture

This was taken while at "Mimi's" House. She's a year in two weeks!

Afraid to "Forget the music"

There I was, 6 years old crying behind a large chair at my first piano recital. I had just been escorted of the "stage" at the retirement home that we were performing at. I was escorted off because I had missed the piano and sat at the organ, then frozen solid with embarrassment when I finaly sat at the right instrument, I couldn't remember the music! I tried one time, then two times, a third...I kept playing the same chord. Eventually my teacher came and gently took my hand and walked me off the stage. So I sat behind the chair, crying and so embarrassed... In 3 days I will do something I have been so afraid to do for a very long time. I have been more than happy to do it for the women's ministries but for some reason, terrified of the "general public". I will lead worship for our church. I will stand there, guitar in hand, and lead my beloved brother's and sister's in worship to our king...yet I am loosing sleep and I have a pit in my stomach that will not be lifted until this is over. You see, after Presley was born, me and God had a conversation. I can tell Presley ALL I want until I am blue in the face to trust in the Lord when she is persecuted, to stand firm in the things of God, to not be afraid in the face of fear...BUT I CAN'T SING A FEW SONGS IN FRONT OF CHRISTANS! So I told Jesus that if they asked me again that I would at least do it once. At least once. So they asked, once for the married couples study and they asked once for Sunday morning. So on this Mother's day, I am so grateful to be a mother. I am so honored to have been asked. Though I am afraid, I will put that aside, my pride, my fear of "forgetting the music" and make a baby step in setting the example for my daughter that I want her to follow...be strong and of good courage.

caught

I am trying my best to stick to weight watchers points. This morning Terry "caught" me licking the plate after I finished eating the smallest waffles I have ever seen in my life...of curse he couldn't pass on the opportunity for a laugh, I wouldn't either :) knowing that we are planning on another one sooner than later, I struggle with the motivation to loose all the weight I gained from Presley just to allow my body to be taken over again...UGGGHH! The La Leche League is right in that if you breast feed the weight comes off quickly...but they weren't talking about the 30 pounds OVER you gained, just the baby's contribution! I lost that in a few weeks! The other 30 was my fault and it has stuck like superglue!!! I was overweight my whole life and when I was about 26 I lost around 50 pounds. Three years later I got pregnant, after 12 weeks of not eating because I was so sick ( not to mention eating like a bird for 3 years) it felt like I hadn't eaten in decades!! I gained 60 pounds from week 12 to 40. I enjoyed every minute of it...BUT Oh how I wish I just gained the 30!!!

Take Heart, I've Overcome the World

Lately, I have been...what's the word...disturbed by the horrible things that happen in our world. Children, his own children, locked in a "dungeon", murders, wars the list goes on. Why, no, HOW could I intentionally make a baby so that she too would have to bear the burden of the pains of this world.

I usually stay around Psalms, and the letters from Paul. I don't know why, I usually gravitate toward them when I am "surfing" the bible. But two nights ago as I was going to going to bed and I was ready to put my burdened, overloaded and dishearten heart to sleep... I hear very CLEARLY in my head John 16.

Is there even a 16? There's a 3:16...With the suspicion that the Holy Spirit was leading me, I began to read. As I read, my heart was again filled with the hope and peace that Christ is. It starts of with Jesus acknowledging things are gonna get bad. That we are going to be sad and the world will rejoice in it's sin. He compared it to that of a woman giving birth! That while we suffer now, He is coming back and just like when we see our babies for the first time and all the pain we suffered disappears, that is how we will feel when we see our JESUS!

But what blew me away, on how I KNEW that Jesus has heard the innermost parts of my heart lately is that at the end its says...drum roll please... IN THIS GODLESS WORLD YOU WILL CONTINUE TO EXPERIENCE DIFFICULTIES. BUT TAKE HEART! I'VE CONQUERED THE WORLD!

One day, that God has already decided, it will all the over. The pain, the crazy horrible stories of children suffering, families breaking apart, the struggles of hungry nations, wars and sin...will all be OVER.

Until then I must take heart, He has overcome what I am afraid of, hurt for and even do myself. I must run this race, persevere in it. I am a soldier. I can either be a prisoner of this war, or fighting until he takes me home.

Thank-you Father for your patience with me when I panic. Thank-you for your faithfulness. Teach me how to be the wife I need to be and the mother I need, the person I need to be so that at the end of this battle, I have been an effective.

contest...

My whole world changed since I had you...and I never want to go back.

Practical Update

Presley is 1 year old on May 21st. She crawls and pulls herself up. She is not "into everything" but she does like to explore...carefully. She makes caluculated decisions in what she does get into so thankfully I am not chasing her around the house!

She says dog or wowo, dada, mama and tries to imitate what you do and say. She still loves the bath, loves to eat. She eats tons of baby food, but she loves peas, carrots, grapes, pineapple, cherrios...the list goes on. I am still nursing, partly becuase she has problems digesting cow's milk and it's good for her too. It is slowly getting better, but we just discovered that the tiny bit of yogurt we had been giving her was flaring up her exzema. So for now I continue to nurse three times a day. I weaned her down from 5 about a month ago. I can't tell you how special it is to all three of us at the end of our long day, after dinner and bath Presley and I settle in the recliner and we make up for all the hours we missed each other all day long.

Presley has always been a great night sleeper (a cat napper all day!). She goes down at 8 and gets up at 7am!

Presley loves to discover. I put a basket of toys on the floor or a basket, bag of anything and she loves to pull out each item, look at it for a moment throw it to the side and dig for more.

Terry is the most amazing father and husband. With me working as well as Terry the division of labor in our home is a lot for both of us. Sometimes we look at what the other is NOT doing. But we are quickly learning to trust that both of us are doing our best and we try to help the other as much as possible. Team work...

Devotional or spending time (even if it just 5 minutes) with the Lord is NOT an option. I repeat NOT an option. If I miss it, I turn into the angry, resentful, easily irritated, worrier and most unpleasent person to be around. This is who I am without Christ. With it...just forgiven.

Well, all of you who peak in on this blog from time to time, know I love you and our family so appreciates your presence in our life!

God is good to all, and he has blessed us!

Wow...it has been so long since I last blogged. I still check all the blogs I read pretty much daily. I just don't have time to write mine! God has been growing us and blessing us. Our family is in a groove and we are even finding time to garden on the weekends! We are still SUPER busy but God gets us up each morning with new energy and excitement for the day, and puts us to bed at night. Some quick things about how Presley is doing... :) She is 12 months in about a month!!!! What?? If you would have told me at 1 month that we WOULD survive and we would grow to LOVE the new chaos in our life I would have looked at you as if you were cruel to give false hope. But it is so true! What an absolute joy Presley is! Terry and I just like most parents could watch her for hours just asking each other...is there anyon out thre who loves their baby like we do! My parents assure us there are others out there...Presley is about 22 pounds 30 inches. She just started crawling a bit. She is a really happy baby who loves people. She loves, I mean just loves other kids. She says baby (she loves those too) and dog and Mama and Dada somewhere in there and of course her favorite...boogy-boog-ya. How precious are these times. BTW...check out Terry's blog....