Saw the Doctor yesterday and I heard the precious heartbeat for the first time. I didn't hear it at the 12 week visit because I was spoiled and got to see the baby instead. So when I heard the heartbeat I was really taken back. I am not pregnant with fat. It really is a baby in there with a beating heart and everything!
She was a bit concerned about the Vertigo that has not gone away. She said that at the next visit if it has not subsided they would send me to a specialist. I have actually gotten quite used to it. NO sudden movements and I seem to be okay. I still have to hold onto things to walk a few times throughout the day. Its not the same feeling as getting up to fast. It's more about the room spinning and you feel like your falling.
Puked up my dinner last night...but it was kinda my fault. To say the least it has been a BUSY week. So when I came home at 6:45 after a long day it seemed just fine to devour tortilla chips and chili. What an idiot.
Davese came over last night to simply give Presley hugs and kisses. Presley loves her so much. As a mom, nothing like knowing other people love your kid.
Terry is super husband and Dad. Worked a long week and unfortunately got some sad news last night that a high school friend died in a car crash. A reminder that we are not promised another day even a moment....
Things are good...but Terry and I need some, Terry and I time. Hoping to slow down for the weekend and maybe have my parents watch Presley for an evening and go on a date.
That is our lives this week in a nutshell!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Every pregnant woman knows about how dreams change in pregnancy....I have had a couple crazy ones. I wanted to "write down" the one I had last night so I can look back on it for years to come.
A scattered dream that was all over the place but the bottom line was I had two children already. At one point one was 4 and one was around 2. Then all of sudden the 2 year old was as tall as the 4 year old with no toddler characteristics at all. In my dream I was distinctly devastated that I had missed all that growing up. I even tried to hold her like a baby and she wouldn't let me.
I woke up so happy that Presley was only 20 months and I was still pregnant.
Somewhere inside of me I must be sad at how time is flying...whatever it means either a reminder or a reflection but in about 5 minutes I am going to go get my baby/toddler out of her CRIB and enjoy every ounce of her chubby baby/toddler frame, kisses, hugs, gibberish and giggles.
A scattered dream that was all over the place but the bottom line was I had two children already. At one point one was 4 and one was around 2. Then all of sudden the 2 year old was as tall as the 4 year old with no toddler characteristics at all. In my dream I was distinctly devastated that I had missed all that growing up. I even tried to hold her like a baby and she wouldn't let me.
I woke up so happy that Presley was only 20 months and I was still pregnant.
Somewhere inside of me I must be sad at how time is flying...whatever it means either a reminder or a reflection but in about 5 minutes I am going to go get my baby/toddler out of her CRIB and enjoy every ounce of her chubby baby/toddler frame, kisses, hugs, gibberish and giggles.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Another good reason to work at my marriage
Two days ago, a little girl, who I have known for years, stood in front of me sobbing. She was sobbing because she couldn't hold it in any longer. She was overwhelmed with deadlines for school work, home life and life in general. Her parents are headed for divorce and she is very aware of her unstable environment.
It shook me. It's not that I have not dealt with this. I have dealt with much worse in my 9 years of school age daycare. What is different is that I have now known these families for so long, I have seen many of there second children follow their first through the center. I have watched their families over a 6 year span, specifically at this center. And in this case, watched the decline. I have first hand seen a stable, well adjusted child fall apart because of whats going on at home.
In the middle of the conversation with this child Terry calls.
"Hi babe. Just wanted to let you know I am on my way home. I love you."
I hang up and altogether at once in my head I was:
1. Utterly grateful that I enjoy life with Terry
2. Completely thankful that God manages our marriage
3. Committed to doing WHATEVER it takes to be married at 60....even if he were to not be.
4. That if I were to throw in the towel...I would be changing my children's lives forever because divorce and fighting in the home affects children.
Terry and I have been through a lot over the last 10 years. We have had some really disgusting times in terms of how we treated each other. Many seasons that brought on growth and change. But the latest one during our marriage for me was 4 months after Presley was born. I remember the scene perfectly. I was getting ready to go back to work and I was scared and overwhelmed. We had just bought our house. I cried out to the Lord saying how can I do this? How can our marriage whether such stress? Middle of the night feedings, full time work where I am on call day and night? I stood in the kitchen and Terry and I fought about dishes (source of many past fights...I am messy he is clean). He walked out the door and I clearly remember me crying out to the Lord I CAN"T DO THIS!!! And the Lord simply said inside my heart....serve Me.
In marriage, you live with another person. The whole relationship in many ways must be like a positive team that works together for the end goal. Our goal is to 1) stay married! but ultimately please God. But when we "serve" our spouses, as each one should the other, it really is serving the Lord. It is for the Lord. So when we are upset with the other, and we have met the end or our rope for that person, we can keep going because the things we do for the spouse, or the sake of the marriage, its's all for the Lord. And...the kicker, is He is our strength in our very weakness. When I am "done" being married. When I am "done" doing whatever it is in life that is overwhelming, in Him we find rest and peace for our weary souls. He miraculously fills us up and we can give more.
Right now...we are in a sweet, calm spot. We are like butter in our daily grind. He helps me, I help him, we are very motivated to do what it takes while we await this new baby and enjoy the one we have! But dark will come again, when life happens. The battle will continue all our lives. Keeping Jesus number one in our lives is our ONLY chance.
So....after that really long post...my point is that when this incident happened with the little girl, I was grateful for the marriage I have. But even more than that, grateful for the One who is my Shepard, my Helper, my Father, my Savior and my very present help in times of trouble.
It shook me. It's not that I have not dealt with this. I have dealt with much worse in my 9 years of school age daycare. What is different is that I have now known these families for so long, I have seen many of there second children follow their first through the center. I have watched their families over a 6 year span, specifically at this center. And in this case, watched the decline. I have first hand seen a stable, well adjusted child fall apart because of whats going on at home.
In the middle of the conversation with this child Terry calls.
"Hi babe. Just wanted to let you know I am on my way home. I love you."
I hang up and altogether at once in my head I was:
1. Utterly grateful that I enjoy life with Terry
2. Completely thankful that God manages our marriage
3. Committed to doing WHATEVER it takes to be married at 60....even if he were to not be.
4. That if I were to throw in the towel...I would be changing my children's lives forever because divorce and fighting in the home affects children.
Terry and I have been through a lot over the last 10 years. We have had some really disgusting times in terms of how we treated each other. Many seasons that brought on growth and change. But the latest one during our marriage for me was 4 months after Presley was born. I remember the scene perfectly. I was getting ready to go back to work and I was scared and overwhelmed. We had just bought our house. I cried out to the Lord saying how can I do this? How can our marriage whether such stress? Middle of the night feedings, full time work where I am on call day and night? I stood in the kitchen and Terry and I fought about dishes (source of many past fights...I am messy he is clean). He walked out the door and I clearly remember me crying out to the Lord I CAN"T DO THIS!!! And the Lord simply said inside my heart....serve Me.
In marriage, you live with another person. The whole relationship in many ways must be like a positive team that works together for the end goal. Our goal is to 1) stay married! but ultimately please God. But when we "serve" our spouses, as each one should the other, it really is serving the Lord. It is for the Lord. So when we are upset with the other, and we have met the end or our rope for that person, we can keep going because the things we do for the spouse, or the sake of the marriage, its's all for the Lord. And...the kicker, is He is our strength in our very weakness. When I am "done" being married. When I am "done" doing whatever it is in life that is overwhelming, in Him we find rest and peace for our weary souls. He miraculously fills us up and we can give more.
Right now...we are in a sweet, calm spot. We are like butter in our daily grind. He helps me, I help him, we are very motivated to do what it takes while we await this new baby and enjoy the one we have! But dark will come again, when life happens. The battle will continue all our lives. Keeping Jesus number one in our lives is our ONLY chance.
So....after that really long post...my point is that when this incident happened with the little girl, I was grateful for the marriage I have. But even more than that, grateful for the One who is my Shepard, my Helper, my Father, my Savior and my very present help in times of trouble.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Its ok
After two full days back at work following a 6 week leave, I am tired. Even though I am well out of the 1st trimester, I really don't feel like it. Still puky. I don't think I should be this tired because I go to bed before 10 and granted I wake up anywhere from 2 to 5 times at night. I wake up either to pee or Presley wakes up. Last night I woke up with some cramping that kept me up for about an hour and a half. So this morning Presley is next to me with some Cheerios and milk and I am a zombie. But thats ok. It's ok because I have a little growing baby in my tummy, and an adorable 19 month old toddler who makes my world go round. Its ok because I am married to a husband who completes me.
Its more than ok.
Its more than ok.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Back from the dead
I am officially in the "golden age" of pregnancy. The long awaited 2nd trimester that brings more sleepFUL nights, less trips to the bathroom (until the 3rd trimester that is) and a huge appetite. Still a little green here and there but NOTHING compared to what week 5 to 9 was. Yesterday after a day of whatever I seemed to touch was destroyed (my favorite 9X13 pyrex glass dish exploded in the kitchen) I still had not showered by 4pm. My goal was to have the house in order, the laundry done (or...almost done at least) and me showered with MAKE-UP on for when Terry got home. Mission was accomplished. He looked at me and I could tell he was surprised.
So here I am in the golden age of pregnancy and back from the dead.
So here I am in the golden age of pregnancy and back from the dead.
Monday, December 22, 2008
It is no secret that like most brand spakin' new mom's, I struggled after Presley was born. After a baby is born, a lot of mothers will say that when they gazed upon their brand new long awaited budle of joy, it was love at first sight. For me, after all the labor and being awake for way too many hours straight pushing a human being out of a very small opening in my body, it was not love at first sight. I was so exhausted I could only muster up enough strength to turn my head to look at Presley across the room. I slept for 10 minutes... and then they were placing the baby in my arms...and there it was! Welcome to motherhood. Feed, change diaper, and it was all up to me to make sure I kept this tiny human being alive. I couldn't believe they were letting me leave the hospital! So I struggled. I even thought to myself "what did I get myself into?".
However, I can with all confidence say...that time passed (3monts to be exact) Presley and I are bonded like two peas in a pod. In fact I just put her down for a nap, and double took a look at her and for the millionth time couldn't believe that God has blessed me with such joy in being Presley's mother.
So, Sandy asked me last night if I think I will "struggle" in the same way after this baby.
The answer is-no. Now I can't say for absolute sure, but I really don't think so. You see, I went from feeling beautiful and pregnant on cloud nine with a picture perfect pregnancy to when the baby came...feeling fat, leaking milk, in pain up every two hours blah blah blah...you get the picture. This time, it hasn't been a picture perfect pregnancy, I look 6 months pregnant at 12 weeks, I can't wear cute maternity. Also, I know what's coming. Now I know I don't know what it's like with two...but I know childbirth HURTS. I know what a 3rd degree tear is...I know what up every two hours is...I know what acid reflux is...I know its hard. I know that SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK.
And more than anything...I know that my God will be there this time too. My shepard the one who makes me lie down in green pastures and restores my soul will be there as he is now.
However, I can with all confidence say...that time passed (3monts to be exact) Presley and I are bonded like two peas in a pod. In fact I just put her down for a nap, and double took a look at her and for the millionth time couldn't believe that God has blessed me with such joy in being Presley's mother.
So, Sandy asked me last night if I think I will "struggle" in the same way after this baby.
The answer is-no. Now I can't say for absolute sure, but I really don't think so. You see, I went from feeling beautiful and pregnant on cloud nine with a picture perfect pregnancy to when the baby came...feeling fat, leaking milk, in pain up every two hours blah blah blah...you get the picture. This time, it hasn't been a picture perfect pregnancy, I look 6 months pregnant at 12 weeks, I can't wear cute maternity. Also, I know what's coming. Now I know I don't know what it's like with two...but I know childbirth HURTS. I know what a 3rd degree tear is...I know what up every two hours is...I know what acid reflux is...I know its hard. I know that SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK.
And more than anything...I know that my God will be there this time too. My shepard the one who makes me lie down in green pastures and restores my soul will be there as he is now.
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