I just want to hold her

As I put Presley to sleep tonight, I rocked her for an extra long time in the rocking chair. She was already sleeping deeply. It was a particularly busy day. I got home late, Terry picked up Presley and went to the market with her and got home late himself. Terry had to fix the sprinkler head, I made dinner, and Presley went to bed almost an hour late because we just didn't have enough time. I wanted to hold her for a little while longer before another day slips away from us. I love to sing Jesus loves me, but replace me with Presley. I found myself praying out loud "don't let her grow up". I even started to cry a little. Realizing the foolishness in that, I changed it to "help me let her grow up".

But its true...I don't want her to grow up. Honestly, I think that my own relationship with my mother casts a constant shadow on how I think things will be with Presley. Not should be, but will be. My mother and I fought since I can remember. A constant battle of authority. I love my mom, but to this day there are unhealthy aspects that are still there. We have overcome much. The Lord has broken many chains...

I know what the word says, that I am a new creation, that God has a plan for me and my daughter, and our relationship. I know He will restore what the locusts have eaten as the bible says. I truly am comforted in knowing that He knows my heart, that all I can do is keep my eyes on Him, submit my self to Him, and consciously turn away from the unhealthy mother/daughter examples of relationship I have only known...and love her father.

You have entrusted me with a human life. Please mold me into the mother you want me to be. Please mold our relationship into one that pleases you and glorifies you. I know that all I want to hold so tightly could pass away, but You will never leave me.

She is not mine, she is Yours....but while I have her, I want to love her, kiss her, breathe in every ounce of her and hold her as much as she will let me.