When I first started this blog, it was when Presley was a couple months old. I was stumbling through brand new motherhood and I felt terrified as the days flew by me that I could not hold onto my memories. I hate writing in journals so when Sarah told me I should start blogging it was really helpful in sorting through the craziness.
Well...that is what this post will be. Most likely read only by a few but to me it adds to the online journaling of the last year and a half. My memories on paper.
My heart bears a burden. This burden is birthed out of the deep bonded love between mother and child. Being a mother has, for me, offered completion. It has brought to life something deep inside of me to. I love my daughter more than my own life and she brings me pure joy. But this amazing relationship comes with a hefty price.
A BURDEN for a lifetime.
What makes it a burden will change over the years. Right now I worry when she is not with me, and even worry when she is (although I do feel more confident then in the beginning when I wondered how I was keeping this little tiny person alive!!) From the beginning I have always asked God to be gentle with my "mother's heart", that if and when it gets broken that he would put it back together.
Two weekends ago I was mopping the floor. I was going through a time where I felt like Presley didn't need me anymore (I also underestimated the power of changing hormones!!!). Presley hardly noticed/cared that her Mama wasn't coming with her when her Daddy and her were going to the market.
That was a first.
When they left I cried so hard that tears were actually falling to the floor (little dramatic huh?). In that small taste of what will come, I threw my heart into the Lord. For all of us, it will end face to face with the Lord. It really comes right back to the FACT that if all things pass away, if I were to lose everything....I will ALWAYS have Jesus, God in the flesh.
He is my lifeline. He is my all in all. He is.
Well...that is what this post will be. Most likely read only by a few but to me it adds to the online journaling of the last year and a half. My memories on paper.
My heart bears a burden. This burden is birthed out of the deep bonded love between mother and child. Being a mother has, for me, offered completion. It has brought to life something deep inside of me to. I love my daughter more than my own life and she brings me pure joy. But this amazing relationship comes with a hefty price.
A BURDEN for a lifetime.
What makes it a burden will change over the years. Right now I worry when she is not with me, and even worry when she is (although I do feel more confident then in the beginning when I wondered how I was keeping this little tiny person alive!!) From the beginning I have always asked God to be gentle with my "mother's heart", that if and when it gets broken that he would put it back together.
Two weekends ago I was mopping the floor. I was going through a time where I felt like Presley didn't need me anymore (I also underestimated the power of changing hormones!!!). Presley hardly noticed/cared that her Mama wasn't coming with her when her Daddy and her were going to the market.
That was a first.
When they left I cried so hard that tears were actually falling to the floor (little dramatic huh?). In that small taste of what will come, I threw my heart into the Lord. For all of us, it will end face to face with the Lord. It really comes right back to the FACT that if all things pass away, if I were to lose everything....I will ALWAYS have Jesus, God in the flesh.
He is my lifeline. He is my all in all. He is.
3 comments:
I love this post babe!!
I remember when I went through the same thing with Curtis. He is so independent, it hurts me sometimes. Just remember, you have done your job well. Kids can only be independent when they feel safe and secure with their parents. It does get easier and Presley will open your eyes to new adventures!
Candie is so right..... she feels safe and secure... what a great gift you have given her. Your a great mom Kathleen..
dg
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