To the Ends of the Earth

16 years old and born again. March 29th 1995 marks the day where I was finally experiencing peace in my heart that I had longed my entire life. For the first time I was at peace because I knew that no matter what came at me in life, what people may say of me, what or who I lose, I will always be OK because the God who created the entire universe and always was with no beginning and who knows ALL things...loves me. Not just loves me, but wants me, is willing to transform me. Transform the darkest, ugliest parts of me that I have spent a lifetime covering up and justifying to myself to anyone who caught on. This God was enough to give it all up for. While I was being transformed He could even use me to transform others through the power of His very Presence called the HOLY SPIRIT. I would be a History Maker for Christ...I would be a history maker for Christ. I felt like the girl in the picture as I boarded a plane for a mission trip to India.

TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH I would go.

So my transformation began. I battled my addictions. I tried to honor God with my life.  I dealt with my baggage and I grew...and I began to get blessed...like REALLY blessed.

I excelled at work. I got married. I had kids. Bought a house. And somehow I began to fear that I would lose those blessings...I began to worship the blessing (ahem...that's called idolatry) rather than God.

After my kids were getting a bit older, and the dust started to settle after the chaotic time of having babies was coming to an end....I knew I was missing something. Where was the "History Maker" from long ago? Where was the brave, bold, strong warrior girl of God?

She... was too busy crying over the fear of losing her children. Too busy being angry or frustrated with not getting her needs met in a marriage. Too distracted by the typical media/electronic distractions of our day to spend time with God...for reals...not just for checking off something on my list. Too busy coveting an up to date kitchen. The list goes on, but over all just too darn busy thinking about me. 

December of 2010 marks the time in my life where I was having an all out crisis of Faith. I really doubted God's existence altogether. Praise God that I knew enough to realize it was spiritual attack, that I was going to have to "wrestle with God" over this. That I was about to have an encounter close to what I experienced back when I was 16. 

Then HE SHOWED ME THIS...

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30

AND THEN THIS....

So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. 17‘Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, 18I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. 19‘Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21‘He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. 22‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’” 

How in the world could I be lukewarm? 

luke·warm (lkwôrm)
adj.
1. Mildly warm; tepid.
2. Lacking conviction or enthusiasm; indifferent:

... NOT ON FIRE, SOLD OUT, INDIFFERENT, NOT CONCERNED.

Even though I spent time in the word nearly everyday, never missed church, and overall tried to honor God in my life I was not feeling like I had an abundant life at all...in fact I was heading for an all out crisis of faith.  To make matters more complicated after revisiting the gospels...How much does my life look like HIS?

To make myself okay with God I changed what the bible describes lukewarmness to accommodate where I was at. Because of my "accomplishment" of basic morality, reading the bible, seeking God,  I felt covered that surely I was not lukewarm...but I believe I was. 

I was lukewarm because being crazy for God (HOT on fire) could require pain, sacrifice (I mean REAL sacrifice...like give up your house sacrifice) discomfort, loss...loss. Loss. I was really afraid of losing all the blessing God had blessed me with. Husband, children and so on. I was lukewarm because Lukewarm is the safest place to be...ouch. 

And you know what??? I know I am not alone. 

I serve an almighty, faithful, loving, committed GOD. He was faithful to woo me back, then patient as He began to show me something was wrong, and steady after I realized I was lukewarm and stumbled through what it meant to be on fire. 

So WHERE do we begin...ask God to revel where you are lukewarm. Measure your life against scripture. Measure it against Christ and the early church. One way I felt I was very lukewarm is I was not too concerned about the worlds pain (ENOUGH to do anything about it). 

Then get in the word. Study whole books at a time not just a few scriptures out of a devotional book. Study it like your life depends on it. Study it like you will have a final on what that particular book was saying and how it fits into the whole bible and God's plan for us. Then get on your knees and pray like we mean it for HEART CHANGE!!! He is the only one who can change us to be ON FIRE, SOLD OUT, CONCERNED AND COMMITTED. 

Once again I feel like the girl in the picture...TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH.  All glory to Jesus.