Co Sleeping

Well...Presley has successfully stayed in dream land in her crib for 9 to 11 hours for the past 3 nights (One of which I turned the monitor down when I was half asleep). Don't worry, we can hear her without it if she wants us to.

I think that with all the people around kinda threw her off, but mostly I think that she was starting to realize that where does mommy and daddy go at night, and wherever they are I want to be there!

At first she resisted, crying out every hour! We thought we had died and gone back to the first two weeks of her life. Then, one night after a while of this, I went in picked her up, changed her diaper and began to rock her. I told her that we were here for her, to protect and love her. I told her we loved her and that she needed to sleep in her crib. I prayed for her that she would feel safe and secure and that His presence would fill her room...and...that was 3 nights ago.

Thank-you Lord for caring about the sleep of little ones, and their parents :)

Christmas came and went so fast. We had Christmas here this year, and I thank both sides that they were willing to load up their children and fly their families to our home so that we could have Christmas at our house. Unfortunately I was sick...the baby was sick....and Terry was sick! Praise God that I was able to take sick time and have not been to work since Friday the 21st.

Presley looks so adorable in these pictures doesn't she???

Same Old Same Old

Everything is going pretty well over here at the Lu household. Presley is now 7 months old. She stays sitting up when you put her on the floor. She is rolling over from tummy to back and somehow moving around a bit on the floor. I have not caught her in the action but when I leave the room and come back she has gotten to a toy somehow. She babbles ma ma ma, da da da, ba ba ba, and screams. She does some really strange funny things that show her personality. She is a true individual and joy to have! When I went back to work, I started letting her sleep with me after her middle of the night feeding and that led to earlier wakening in the night. I just loved waking up next to her eye to eye and making each other laugh early in the morning....I missed her all day, who could blame me???? I am gong to tackle that since I am off for the next 5 days. I don't know how its going to go because I am not really motivated. We'll see...We have lots of family coming to visit and Christmas is at our new home this year. We have lots to be thankful to Christ for and so much hope and excitement for what lies ahead.

Presley's daily life

This is my brothers wife Satoko who watches Presley during the day and my nieces who absolutely adore Presley! Presley loves them too. You should see Presley greet my sister-in-law

and my dad when I drop her off. I try to nurse Presley and no matter how hungry she is if she hears Satoko or my dad she latches off and tries to find them to give them a smile.

Pres is nearly 20 pounds now. She eats sweet potatoes, carrots, applesauce, bananas Japanese rice cake (see picture) avocados and....paper (don't worry everything came out alright).

5 1/2 month picture

5 1/2 months, 19.1 pounds...oh my goodness.

Family

I think I said it in passing a week or two ago, "my family". I know that when we got married Terry and I were a family, but there is something very different about us now. I always dreamed my family consisting of children. But it wasn't until last week when I heard myself say my family needs to spend time together...and behind that simple statement I felt such a sense of completion, wholeness and warmth. I know that the Lord has much more for me to do, as well as me to learn. But I don't feel such a sense of longing like longing to be married, having kids and so on....you know, the struggle for contentment. Once again, I just feel so blessed by these gifts of my husband and my daughter.

Also, last night we went to our annual Harvest Fair at church (Thanks SARAH!!) and I sat there holding my very tired baby after a crazy day at work. She was dressed in her little lady bug suit, her calves cold because she outgrew the costume. As I bundled her almost asleep body close to mine with a cozy blanket I took in the scene. Children everywhere, families having fun, great music. I could see my husband working hard cooking for the event across the way. There was fall everywhere...that's another blessing our church family. We don't know each and every person, some were very close to, but all of us share a common bond. I love that my daughter will grow up in this, I never had it. I hope she appreciates this type of family.

For Stephanie

Hey Stephanie...I think you have my email wrong its kathleenconaway@hotmail.com or jcon717@yahoo.com I can't see your blog :)

I'm Sitting up and GO PACK GO!

The packers won again tonight!!! Presley is sitting up by herself...after all that work, she takes a rest :)

Life goes on...

If I am going to blog...it will have to be short. I am working fulltime again...It is the most painful thing to leave Presley everyday. I cry most days but I will PRAISE THE LORD.

Check this out- my work is letting me begin at 11:30 everyday AFTER I breastfeed Presley. I get two thirty-minute, give or take, breaks to pump and half the time, I leave campus to do so. They gave me an asassistant Director and I am done at 6 every night. PRAISE THE LORD.

True, life is crazy. Drive 45 minutes in traffic, pick up baby, home at 7:15, bath at 7:30, feed at 8. Dinner, get pump, lunch, bottles ready, wash dishes, clean a bit hang out with Terry. Bed...did we eat dinner???? Feed at 4am sleep another hour, baby up, "Terry please get her" baby in bed sleep with mommy for another hour, Terry sleeps in babies room another hour. Up for reals at 8, feed baby, play with her for a hour, back down for nap. Shower, out the door for another day with 50 kids that fill my life with so much joy!

It's my life right now, with my family...I feel so blessed.

SLEEEPPPPPP AT LASSSSTTTT

Ok...I am a little giddy. I just had 7 hours of straight sleep with on little wake-up at 4 to look at the monitor to see how Presley was doing. She was still asleep and I contemplated going and pumping but I decided against it even though my boobs were not only as big but as hard as real melons!

A little background. We moved Presley (4 months) to her crib last week with the hopes she would sleep better. She did, but she still was doing that regressed thing where she wanted to nurse every 3 hours. I considered it a growth spurt and we road it out for a while. After about 2 weeks we decided to put a stop to it.

We started on the weekend so Terry could be the main comforter when she looked for food at 3 am and didn't get it. We figured if she saw me it would be the biggest disappointment of her life to expect to be comforted by a full booby and then not get it!

The first couple nights she cried it out with us going in on her and reassuring her etc. but after the first night she caught on quickly.

I really didn't need her to sleep 10 HOURS without eating...I was hoping for 6! But for the last 2 nights she has gone about 10 hours.

I'm sure that she will probably settle at a little less for now...but honestly this is a HUGE example to me of how God waits to the last hour and comes through. I am going back to work in a week and a half. I run a daycare center for school-aged kids. Its a fulltime, salaried on your feet running groups of 5-12year olds all day! I was very scared at what my life would look like on 5 hours a sleep broken up by 2 feedings. He knew that and for the sake of growing me further He makes me wait, wait and trust that the Lord will work things out.

I certainly waited, but trust was a another issue! Hopefully I'm a little closer next time.

I feel so taken care of by the Lord.

By the way the picture is Presley and cousin parker who is 15 months and will spending the day with Presley when Parker's mommy comes over to our house to watch Pres. He's trying very hard to use gentle hands!

Her own room

How am I ever going to handle letting Presley go??? Tonight we put her in her own room, in her crib for the first time. She hates taking naps there, probably because she hates taking naps too begin with, but she's sleeping now for about 2 hours. I sit here, feeling somewhat sad and empty because my little baby is growing up! Listen to me, what the heck is wrong with me???? She's only 4 months, not going into kindergarten , high school or 18! What if she can't breathe? What if she is scared? What if someone takes her and I can't get to her??? Now I'm being plain silly.

I have said and preached it "don't hold onto anything too tightly". Yet I am holding on to Presley so tight. I know this is the beginning of letting her go and letting God be in charge.

My prayer is that I trust in the Lord, and not hold onto what is really not mine anyway, too tightly. Besides, I've got the video baby monitor right next to my ear.

Presley, before you were born I had already thought of you 10 x a million. Before you were born I would lay on the couch dreaming of your beautiful eyes. When you would move in my tummy I would close my eyes, wrap my arms around my belly and whisper "I love you". When you were just a pea inside me I would pray for you all the time and turn the music up in the car so I was sure you could hear. I would talk to you all the time about all the people you would soon meet. I would cry telling you I wanted to be a good mommy for you. When you were in my belly a day NEVER went by that I didn't treasure you growing inside me. I loved you before I met you, before I saw you, before I knew you.

Before God gave life to you in my tummy I dreamed of you a thousand times. You were my hearts desire that only God knew just how precious to me you were. Daddy and I would talk about you all the time. We would exchange what we would do with you, what we would teach you, and how we would love you. Daddy and I wanted you so much before you began in my tummy.

Even before daddy and I got married, I was dreaming about your smile. Before I even met your daddy I thought of you. Before prom, heartbreaks, awkward stages and even kindergarten....all the way down to when I was 3 feet tall I thought of you. I would dress you up in adorable clothes, take care of you, feed you, change you, talk to you, love you, kiss you. You were my little doll that I took every where.

Presley before you were here, were in my tummy, all the way back to when I was a little girl I have waited for you. Oh how you were worth the wait.

Thank-you father for this amazing, incredible blessing that is my baby girl.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN



Before I was a Mom…
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom…
I slept as late as I wanted.
And never worried about how late I got
into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth every day.

Before I was a Mom…
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words
to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants
were poisonous.
I never thought about immunisations.

Before I was Mom…
I had never been puked on,
Pooped on,
Spat on,
Chewed on,
Peed on,
Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom…
I had complete control of my mind,
My thoughts.
My body,
And my time.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom…
I never held down a screaming child,
So that doctors could do tests,
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and
cried.
I never got gloriously happy over
a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours
at night
Watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom…
I never held a sleeping baby just because.
I didn’t want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million
pieces.
When I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t know the feeling of having my
heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to
feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother
and her child.
I didn’t know that something so smallCould make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom…
I had never risen in the middle of the night .
Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment,
Or the satisfaction of being a
Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable
of feeling so
Much before I was a Mom!

Bring on that pacifier!

Last night, unfortunately, is becoming more common for our nights. During her last feeding of the night she gets fussy and distracted. With the help of some tummy massage and leg exercise, she has a HUGE bowel movement. She finishes eating after I change her diaper...and her clothes. Then goes to sleep no problem. Wakes up 4 to 5 hours later wanting to eat...and ends up having a fussy night.

This is a far cry from what she used to do, and what she CAN do. She used to do 9pm eat 9:45 sleep 3 pm eat 3:30 sleep 7:30 wake-up eat. She has gone 7-8 hours many times without eating. I had this crazy idea to sleep train her into holding her 8 hour nights and she fought back with a vengeance!!!

Last night while I was curled up in fetal position on our recliner trying to drown out Presley crying in our room (Terry had already made his way to the living room)....Terry suggested giving her a pacifier. I snapped back at my poor husband (who has to get up early to go to work) "that won't work". He kindly(yet firmly) reminded me that I am not the only one that knows how to take care of Presley and I should try it.

3 hours later (that would be 6:30am now) after giving in and feeding her, burping her and her laughing at mommy wanting to play at 5 in the morning...I gave her the pacifier. What-do-ya-know???? It worked. Next thing I know, Terry is standing over me at 8:30am while I am in bed (with the baby...I get desperate sometimes) wagging his finger at me because Presley, sleeping like a baby, still has her cute little pacifier in her mouth (she's still sleeping now and it's 9:15am). Terry has a lot of grace with my stubborn self.

In spite of all the good and bad things about pacifiers and using them at night....I sure hope this sticks.

PS. Presley will be moving from bassinet in our room to crib in her room after my dad comes over today and puts up her blinds in her room.

Off to work

Well...even though I am headed back into the workforce, God is making a way! My sister-in-law, who has two girls that Terry and I are extremely close too will be watching her 3 days a week and Mallory my brothers girlfriend will be watching her in our home 2 days a week. I can not even BEGIN to describe how at peace I feel knowing that Presley will be with her cousins whom she loves...and their mommies who love Presley so much. I kept having nightmares of her in day cares getting pushed around and left out by other kids...I know that's probably not what would have happened...much, but being a childcare director myself I have come to learn a thing or two about daycare. And at least when she is pushed around it will be by her 15 month cousin Parker! It will help prepare her for siblings later on maybe??

We have a bit of a challenge going on with me not being able to nurse two of her feedings. She is strictly nursed because I can't seem to pump out enough milk to replace a feeding. She does not do well on formula so far...but I have not really gave that enough time probably. We see a specialist on the 27th for her reflux so maybe he can give us some supplements to try....I'll post again when we have more info, but in the mean time if you can pray that I can pump enough at one time it will solve this probably right away!

She's Talking!

On Saturday Terry, Presley and I went up to our church's high school retreat where I was set to lead worship and we were looking forward to spending time with our awesome highschoolers. In the care on the way up, I had to feed Presley so we pulled over at the bottom of the 18 and I had a Del Taco hamburger for the first time and we all ate in the care at the same time. After Presley was finished nursing Terry was playing with her and she started laughing...pretty much for the first time. And then....she found her voice. At first it was just a little "ahh" then it got louder and louder. She is definitely pulling it from a different place in her throat. Now it's pretty much the only sound she's using.

We were over at a Davese's last night and as Presley was proudly making her new sounds Davese said something along the lines as once little girls begin to talk it never really stops...I think this blog somewhat proves that!

Maybe you have seen the commercial where the dad is driving with his little girl and she is telling this elaborate story. They get home, and he hesitates getting out of the car to go get her because he does not want her to think he's not listening. He carefully gets out, walks around the front of the car and opens her door...and Dad was thankful that she was still talking and she didn't skip a beat even though he was outside the car for a minute!

This is one of the reasons I wanted kids...I would have been happy with a girl or a boy, but God knew what I needed I love having a girl. I can't wait to hear what she thinks about the world. I work with about 50 kids daily and am quite used to "chatter" day in and day out. But now it won't be the chatter of other children, it Will be my own.

I don't know if she is actually trying to convey something to me, or just likes hearing her sounds. I don't really care because I know it will turn into new ways my daughter and I will communicate with each other...and being a daughter myself it might not always be loving communication! It almost feels like Presley and I are creating our own little language between the two of us that is so sweet and special.

He will make a way

I feel like my heart is in constant motion. I always have a list going of what I have to do that has been on the back burner (like thank-you cards), cleaning I have to do, boxes to empty, calls I need to make and ways that I could bring in the extra income necessary so I can stay home with Presley. My husband has an awesome job and an awesome boss (props to Chad :) he works harder than anyone I know...but anyone that lives in So Cal, and bought a home after the boom knows how crazy it is to have one parent stay home.

In 4 weeks and 2 days I am going back to work. I have been off since April 27th! In the mean time Tasha, the interim director is running the center while I am away. She has done a great job, the only thing is I will have next to NO staff when I get back to work. This poses a challenge because I will have to work from 7:00am -8:30am and 11:15-6 and at least 2 days a week I will be working from 7am to 6pm when we have meetings.

How will this every be possible? How will it be possible when our childcare is in Fullerton? How will be possible without missing meetings and deadlines? How will I make dinner every night? How will I take care of my husband and my baby? How can I be away from my baby all day long when I am all she's known for the last 4 1/2 months? How is it possible to drop her off every day at 9:30, and pick her up at 6:45 make dinner, bathe her, feed her spending 2 hours a day with her???? How??? This is the impossible I was talking about on the last post...

It seems that God wants us to do the impossible. I can see why...this will usher me into a place of maturity that I have never been. A place of discipline I have never known. I will need to be organized, and ready to work hard...work hard at work, work hard at home, work hard at my marriage, work hard at being a mom, work hard at my walk with Jesus.

I am not in the river right now. I am not even in a desert. I don't know where I'm at...maybe I'll have a metaphor after this season is over. But that is what this is, a season and it won't last forever.

God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways, we can not see, HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR ME.

I watch how Terry is with Presley. He is so attentive, committed, focused, loving and every awesome attribute that makes a wonderful father. But the one that touches me the most is that he so trusting. You can tell that Presley feels so safe in his arms. I can see that she knows that her father will do everything and anything to be there for her in life. This is a father.

God is requiring me to trust in him right now. He is requiring me to have faith that He will work out the impossible that's in my life right now. He wants me to trust Him just like Presley trusts her earthly father. My husband has once again blessed me in that he has shown me through his relationship with our daughter the relationship my Heavenly father wants with me.

I am going through a situation in life right now that Gods wants me to trust Him that He is in control. That He is at work and that I can trust that He will do everything and anything to be there for me.

Presley is a princess

When I was pregnant with Presley, I remember commenting to my friend that I hate clothes, toys, items or anything for girls that say Princess on them. I felt that it creates a complex for a girl that she deserves to get whatever she wants. I want my daughter to be humble and caring not a diva who wants everything her way.

It's funny because the same friend I told that too gave Presley this crown (actually it was part of the welcome home baby decorations on our home). This same friend has a daughter who is compassionate, considerate, caring, funny, passionate, giving, loving, someone I would like Presley to learn from....and this girl was told she was a princess.

I had it all wrong.... Presley is a princess, I want her to believe in confidence that she is a prized daughter of the Lord, royalty, that ought to be treated with respect by any boy she considers marrying. I want her to live life knowing that she is far too important for anyone to treat her heart or body with disrepect. Too humble and kind to participate in populatrity contests. Too precious to subcomb to the latest fads that could harm her. She should know that God formed her in my womb. His thoughts for her outnumber the grains of sand on earth. She must know that she is His Princess.

Presley should also know that she should, like a princess should, love others and treat them with kindness and compassion. That with this "crown" comes great responsibility.

He's holding us

Today Presley had her second round of shots. I, being a first time mom, wasn't prepared and didn't know that she was going to get them. We spent 2 hours at the doctors today just waiting to see the doctor and then an additional 40 minutes. Presley is such a good baby.

When the nurse administered the shots and Presley started to cry, I nestled my face as close to hers telling her its okay over and over. I was kissing her while she was crying. Tears were pouring down her face. I kept wanting to convey to her somehow that I wasn't trying to hurt her, that this was good for her. I wanted her to know that it is because I love her that I allow this pain. There was a deep sadness in my heart that she could not understand this.

Oh....doesn't that sound familiar? During the commotion, I could feel in my heart somewhere that Christ must feel the same way. Holding us through our pain. How many times do we ask God "why are you allowing me to suffer like this?". Even though I think we can experience situations where we can be in God's shoes, so to speak, it still often times hurts so much that we can't see it for what it is...Just like mothers and fathers, God allows us to hurt because in the bigger picture it's good for us.

My Husband

My Husband Terry is an amazing person. For those who know him, they know that he is very organized, driven, passionate, dedicated, loyal, funny as heck, selfless, a leader, a self taught frugal shopper and.... a pack rat. I'm quite the opposite, poor fella, I am not organized, I'm very selective on what I am driven about (it's kinda like a switch), I struggle with serving, I am not very inclined to save money and while I don't like clutter I'm can be messy but I am not a pack rat. If it hasn't been used in a while, toss it. It has been the source of many...shall I say.... frustrating moments. But I am happy to say that I have never been one to throw away his "stuff".

Terry has had a very long road. A road that started in Taiwan 31 years ago. Things didn't really come easy for Terry and when he came to the states at 9, he wasn't treated very well by the kids at school and even the teachers. What is amazing to me is that through his whole life he remained tender to people. He loves people. His whole life is about people. Believe it or not, the big screen TV he bought is for people to enjoy when they come over. His DVD's are rarely seen until people come over or want to borrow them. The Lemonade stand he bought was for the kids in his life that bring him joy. All the cooking gadgets he has (George Foreman, sandwich makers etc.) are used when he cooks for people. And the "stuff" he holds onto are linked to precious people that often times are no longer here, or they live far away.

I treasure this way about him. I have never met someone with such heart...and he chose to marry me.

A very bold post

Over the past years I have had goals. Goals that would glorify God, make me happy, and fulfill my life. These goals were the desires of my heart, the prayers I whispered in my bed at night and sometimes outright begged the Lord to make these things happen quicker.

I had a goal of meeting a man that loves Jesus and that I would love...I did. I had a goal of marrying that man....I did. I had a goal of loving my job and moving up...I did. I had a goal of having a baby with that man....I did. I had a goal of buying a home with my husband...we did.

Here I am with everything that I have wanted all my life...and yet in a season in my life where I am in one of my biggest trials yet. It's not because I didn't really want this life, I would not trade it for anything. I know it's not because I don't love my husband and daughter more than my own breath. It's not because I walked away from the Lord.

It's because slowly over the past months I replaced my number one source of happiness, joy, peace, love and reason for existence with things, events and people. I didn't really see it happen because after all, these were all blessings from the Lord Himself! This is what God planned for my life, how could I get it mixed up.

No matter how amazing, loving and supportive my beautiful Terry is to me, no matter how wonderful and precious my baby girl is, no matter how awesome my church family is, no matter how great a job I have if I don't see Jesus as my ultimate source of comfort, peace and joy I will be dissatisfied. People who don't know Christ may say I'm crazy to think that my little girl in herself is not enough to make me endlessly happy (wow, what a burden to put on a child) I can see how before being a christian all I had was the hope that people would be perfect and never disappoint. But as a christian (and anyone for that matter) we know that all will fail us, everything will disappoint at some time, it is only Christ who holds the keys to our hearts and will never fail.

I'm sure that much of the trial I have experienced in the last 3 months has to do with being a new mom, buying a house and moving not to mention these crazy raging hormones...but it has become clear to me over the last few days that I have lost site of my first love.

God has blessed me with some really great people in my life. Some that have been a source of strength during and after pregnancy, some that laugh with me, some that support me and are there for me when I need them. (I sure hope they know I'm there for them too) Well, one of my dear friends gave me a necklace on Sunday that simply said blessed. There was a lot of commotion going on when she gave it to me, which was good because I usually cry about stuff like that. But what she said to me really hit home, I think God's been telling people things :) When I opened it, while I was saying my thank-yous she said, "I just want you to know how blessed you are". She probably had know idea that God greatly convicted me after that. Blessed....But do I know how blessed I am? Yes, I have been blessed, my husband, daughter and the list goes on. But what I lost site of is that the most amazing, incredible blessing I have IS my Jesus. He never fails, He's always faithful. His love for me will never stop. He died for all my "yuckies". He fills my heart (when I seek Him) with an indescribable joy, and a truth that when all things pass away He will still be there. That is my ultimate blessing.

I woke up today and talked with my first love. I asked the source of my everything to go before me and prepare my day. I asked Him to fix my heart, make it soft again. I asked he to help me die to myself so that I can love others. I told him I'm sorry for ignoring him. I thanked him for everything...

(Psalms 107:9 )For he satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness

This is the day we got the keys to our new home!

This was taken at the park when Presley was about 12 weeks old

This is my favorite smile of hers, she just smiles with her whole body

Practical update

For all those that keep up with our lives through this blog...this ones for you. Presley is continuing to grow mentally and physically. She smiles all the time and has chuckled a few times...I can't wait to hear her laugh. She loves to lie on her back and grab at the toys that hang from her play gym. She grabs them, and I swear she loves to just take whacks at them and is very delighted when she squeezes them as hard as she can. When she is on her belly, she can almost lift herself up supporting her head on her hands and arms. She loves taking her nightly bath and she is beginning to splash in the bathtub. She likes to stretch her legs all the way to the end of the tub (it's a baby size). She likes to watch her baby Einstein video, play in her vibrating bouncy seat and floor gym. When I make dinner at night I put her in her bouncy vibrating seat up on the counter and she is usually fine the whole time in the kitchen while I make dinner. She also likes going in the excersaucer and even though it's a tad to big I prop her up and she loves it! The other day she grabbed a chopstick of the table when I was holding her....minutes before I told Terry that soon she would be grabbing things off the table and we would have to be careful.

She gets up around 7 everyday eats about every 3 hours with her last feeding at around 9pm just after her bath. She falls asleep right after she eats and goes down in her bassinet at about 9:45. She gets up between 5 and 7 hours later to eat and then goes right back to sleep and another day begins around 7am.

She is a great baby that loves people and is very interested in everything around her. She smiles alot, but she is also showing some stubborn traits...I wonder where she gets that from??? Uncle Henry if you are reading this....I know she will love to hear you sing because she looovvveeess music.

It's really amazing to watch a child grow. As a mother from the moment you see the pink line on the pregnancy test you are amazed at how life is created. I clearly remember the first flutters of Presley moving in my tummy. I remember hearing her heartbeat for the first time. I remember when I delivered her and how fragile and precious she was. It blows me away how amazing and creative God is. There is really no other explanation for the miracle of life other than God does it.

On another note...since there are other things going on in life besides the our baby girl (at least there needs to be) we bought a house and moved a couple miles closer to old town orange and we love it. I mentioned in previous posts how God's fingerprints are all over this miracle. I am going back to work on October 15th. It's really awesome because my Boss has held my job for me for almost half a year. The law only requires them to hold a "like" position for me. Terry continues to work his hinnie off at work. Terry's mom, Elaine and his step dad Steve have been out in California quite a bit for business. Our days usually consist of unpacking, spending time with each other, family and friends, church and we are....blessed.

My Parents

Having a baby has made me see so many things in a different light. One of them is my parents. As I care for my new "little bundle of joy" I feel as though my parents, who have "finished" their parenting have picked up where they left off parenting me once again. It's not like when I was a teenager where they were my authority, its not like when I was a school-ager where they were teaching me the important things in life, its like when I was a baby . My father spends a good amount of time working on our house, changing out light fixtures, hanging paintings, picking me up lunch and spending time with me. My mother, after her long work days, often runs errands, brings dinner for Terry and I and drops what she is doing to help in any way.

It's no secret that growing up in the Conaway household had its rough moments. There are still a few hurts left, but we are long past the blame game. My parents did their absolute best. My father, who never had a father was a loving and gentle dad of which I preferred no one else to tend to my owies. He took care of the spiders in my room, brought me water at night and calmed me with his soothing deep voice with bed time stories.

My mother who in some ways never had a mother. My grandmother struggled with serious depression most of my mothers life. I was all my mother prayed for in having a daughter, but once I arrived and began to show my strong willed nature I was more than most parents could handle. My mother was one who went back in the work force, in a foreign country, just to pay for my Christian schooling, and would sacrifice just for me. She endured much, for me.

So what makes me think its like when I was a newborn? I'm not sure really, but being a new mom has made me, at times, feel as helpless as my little Presley. Just like my baby girl looks to me for comfort, I feel myself looking to my parents for comfort. They are not perfect, and I don't need them to be anymore...they are just two people who love me more than themselves....still after all these years. And I understand that love now, having my own. I know its time once again for me to continues to grow in my strength in the Lord and grow my own family. But it has been a time of reconciliation for me and my parents with the birth of my baby. I have never loved and...here's the real kicker...appreciated my parents more than I do now.

Pictures coming soon :)

My "New Mothers" Heart

Presley turned 3 months yesterday. In some aspects, it has been the longest 3 months, and in others, like everybody says, it has gone by too fast. I find myself writing this blog today through tears. It could be 3 months of being sleepless, having no clue what I am doing, figuring out my new daughter, struggling through the painful "art of breastfeeding" worry and the list goes on..... But these tears are not leaving me empty, or alone they are coming from a very warm place in my heart. They are coming from my new mothers heart. As I look at this amazing life that lived inside me for 9 months, this life that I so strongly protected from the minute I knew I was pregnant with her. I immediately gave up my 3 cup a day coffee habit, wouldn't take a Tylenol and even quit eating cold cuts (don't ask). I worried every day that she would be okay. I couldn't wait too hold her, look at her, love her and make it all okay when she was sad.


I can't really pinpoint where the transition from staying afloat to grabbing the lifesaver that Christ is, happened. There were a lot of low points that I cried out to the Lord for help. I think I would grab it, sit there for a while too catch my breath, then stupidly jump back into the water (the fear, the doubt).


But today I cry because I love her so much. My heart is definitely more burdened. I worry about her heart. I worry about Presley feeling hurt, pain, sadness, loneliness. A kiss from Mommy or hugs from Daddy will not always be enough.


It's funny, all the things I dreamed of before the baby came are not the things that bring me the most joy. I don't enjoy being Disneyland to a infant at 6am in the morning. I don't enjoy 3 minute showers, and I certainly don't enjoy the lack of a shower! I don't enjoy shoving food in my mouth faster than a chubby 10 year old boy at a pie eating contest. I don't enjoy 2am feedings...and 4 am feedings on some nights.




Ohhh...but I do enjoy looking down at Presley while nursing just to see the biggest and brightest smile and sweetest eyes looking my way. I enjoy her sweet smelling head after a bath. I do enjoy picking up my crying and unhappy baby and having the ability too calm her. I love seeing her explore her new world and once in a while look around for mommy to make sure I'm close by. I enjoy her casually slipping her entire hand around one of my fingers when she's just relaxing on me. I enjoy her...I love her...with a love I have never known. One that would die for her, endure pain and sacrifice for her, one that will never end, not ever.

From Swing to Bassinet

Well... Presley is no longer sleeping in her swing and is now in her bassinet for all nap times and night time. She is gradually shifting her sleep schedule from 10-7 with a feeding in between to 8-6with a feeding in between. We just started supplement 2 oz. of formulas in afternoon feeding which seems to be going ok. I am trying to slowly prepare us for going back to work. For example I could totally give her a pumped bottle at night...but when I go back to work I will definitely want to breast feed for that feeding. So I am giving it to her in the afternoon because that is when she Will eventually have to take a bottle.

In church on Sunday as I was thinking about all these things in my life right now and I was asking the Lord to help little Presley nap better in the day and sleep longer at night and I really felt like the Lord was saying to ask for rest, resting in Him and not sleep. In fact I rarely feel the effects of little sleep...I think as a mom you don't need as much but it takes a while for you to realize you don't need 7-8 hours a night anymore. So that is what I am asking for, that I would rest in him.

What a doll!

I'm really a mom???

So far I think that the most frustrating part about being a parent is not knowing which advice or method to follow. If I knew that letting her "cry it out" was the best for her I'd do it, but I'm not sure that leaving a 2 month old alone crying hysterically is the best for Presley. However I know that not napping during the day is not good for her either. I am doing my best to follow her cues, putting her down drowsy but awake. The only thing that ensures her sleeping is me rocking her, singing to her and letting her sleep in my arms. I know that is not good either. For starters I am going back to work in 2 months and how will she do if the only way she naps is in someones arms...so I rarely do it. I only do that if she had a tough night and I didn't sleep and I am too exhausted to cater my whole day around her napping.

Last night she was up every hour beginning at 11:00 and is still fussing...but I am still putting in a good effort to get her to nap today without me holding her. I also am trying to put her in the bassinet because I think that she is getting to big for the swing she's been sleeping in and may be uncomfortable. We've been putting her in the swing because she needs to sleep a little upright due to her reflux. I stood by the bassinet and patted her for about 20 minutes and then prayed for her and walked away. I also put on a lullaby CD for her. It helps to write in my blog when I am trying to get her down...to help me stay sane!

I can see though why it is important to "struggle" along with your child. I think these are the times that you become closer. As much as it sucks she won't just fall asleep easily, there is nothing like me going to her side when she is crying and when she opens her eyes and sees me she smiles so big in between cries. I am starting to feel like she really wants me there, I'm not just a boob...I'm the comfort for her when she is upset, the lady who makes her laugh and makes her happy when I sing to her. Sometimes my heart falls off a cliff when I think about what would I do if I lost her? I'll let the Lord worry about that....

Some cute pictures...

Isn't he cute?

She's already trouble...

Isn't she the cutest ever!