I am increasingly getting to the point in life where I am DONE with everything that does not pertain to Terry and Presley.
I am growing weary of leaving my 21 month old and driving 10 miles to work. And work sucks up every OUNCE of energy I have in this pregnant overweight body! And when I say work...it's really dealing with all the administrative responsibilities...if I could just "be" with my kids at work I think I wouldn't feel this way. But I am preparing for a maternity leave, and one where I don't know if I am coming back, so after 9 years of making my mark I want to make sure that I leave the site organized as possible for those who may take my place.
I also think that there has just been a lot going on between putting our dog down after she mauled and killed the next door neighbors dog to other life experiences like death. Also, our church's women's retreat is coming up in two weeks and I am preparing to share how Christ rescued me from my depths 15 years ago (AND STILL IS!!). Satan is trying to steal the song out of my mouth so that I would have nothing to share that night!!
So I feel like I am treading water and I am getting tired. I just want a raft to come along and I can rest a while. I know that raft is resting in Jesus...but there ARE times in our lives He allows stuff to happen to stretch us, to mold us. But the extremely cliche statement is said often not because it is untrue, but because it is VERY true...He will NOT give us ANYTHING more that we can handle...but maybe it should really be said like this: He will not give us anything more than HE can handle for us.
So...Lord, it's me. You're pathetic, broken and lost child. I know one thing...You are the answer to all that I encounter good and bad. Please go before me in life and prepare my way. Protect me from the one who wants to destroy. Change my black heart that is angry, selfish and in a state of self-pity. Put a song from you in my soul that is untouchable. Please give me grace and wisdom. Forgive me for crying about life, when I haven't even asked for your help. Help me to see everything for what it is...I know you want the best for me. Please rescue me today.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ultrasound Update
UPDATE**
Sorry...I didn't thank-you for praying!!! Also on another note, the baby was measuring 21 weeks 3 days, and according to before it was 20 weeks today...even though the doctor said they would go with the original dating...I am holding out for the reason I am sooo huge is not the 30 pounds of extra chunk I had before baby...but that I am further along (I know people...it's only a week and a half!!)
Original post:So we had our second ultrasound and they did not find any more markers...so the chances of any problems with chromosomes such as downs syndrome is incredibly unlikely and does not warrent further testing. I want to explain a little more about markers etc... the only way doctors would know for sure about problems like downs syndrome is if they did an amniocentesis which carries risk of fetal death. Basically in our case during a routine ultrasound they found a possible sign or marker of a chromosomal abnormality like down syndrome. Even though it was unlikely that it meant anything, they sent us to a second ultrasound to look for other signs, which they found none. They recommended no amnio (we wouldn't do it anyway) and they said the likely hood of anything resulting from this would be extremely surprising... and the genetics counselor even said that Kaiser is considering changing the standard of informing patients of an Echogenic Focus because they aren't even sure anymore if there is any relation to chromosomal abnormalities in the first place.
Ultimately as a christian, I don't play the game of odds...the odds mean nothing when everything GOOD AND BAD is cleared by my Father in heaven. He said that He causes ALL THINGS to work together for good (you know the verse). He knows the numbers of hairs on my head, his thoughts for me outnumber the grains of sand and he has a plan for my life. A down syndrome baby would NOT be an "oops", it would be a part of the plan. Yes things do "happen" but then didn't happen without God knowing about it, and his approval.
We still don't know for absoulte sure if our son will have downs or not...we will just have to wait this one out until we meet our little man. But we are super excited for this baby and can't wait to meet him! This experience has brought Terry and I closer together, made us more compassionate about families with special needs, and challenged our faith and trust. Because here's the thing: We will never escape the what ifs in our lifetime. We will never escape pain and tragedy. But we can be sure of one thing-Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us, and He is the ultimate source of our peace, joy, happiness and completeness.
Sorry...I didn't thank-you for praying!!! Also on another note, the baby was measuring 21 weeks 3 days, and according to before it was 20 weeks today...even though the doctor said they would go with the original dating...I am holding out for the reason I am sooo huge is not the 30 pounds of extra chunk I had before baby...but that I am further along (I know people...it's only a week and a half!!)
Original post:So we had our second ultrasound and they did not find any more markers...so the chances of any problems with chromosomes such as downs syndrome is incredibly unlikely and does not warrent further testing. I want to explain a little more about markers etc... the only way doctors would know for sure about problems like downs syndrome is if they did an amniocentesis which carries risk of fetal death. Basically in our case during a routine ultrasound they found a possible sign or marker of a chromosomal abnormality like down syndrome. Even though it was unlikely that it meant anything, they sent us to a second ultrasound to look for other signs, which they found none. They recommended no amnio (we wouldn't do it anyway) and they said the likely hood of anything resulting from this would be extremely surprising... and the genetics counselor even said that Kaiser is considering changing the standard of informing patients of an Echogenic Focus because they aren't even sure anymore if there is any relation to chromosomal abnormalities in the first place.
Ultimately as a christian, I don't play the game of odds...the odds mean nothing when everything GOOD AND BAD is cleared by my Father in heaven. He said that He causes ALL THINGS to work together for good (you know the verse). He knows the numbers of hairs on my head, his thoughts for me outnumber the grains of sand and he has a plan for my life. A down syndrome baby would NOT be an "oops", it would be a part of the plan. Yes things do "happen" but then didn't happen without God knowing about it, and his approval.
We still don't know for absoulte sure if our son will have downs or not...we will just have to wait this one out until we meet our little man. But we are super excited for this baby and can't wait to meet him! This experience has brought Terry and I closer together, made us more compassionate about families with special needs, and challenged our faith and trust. Because here's the thing: We will never escape the what ifs in our lifetime. We will never escape pain and tragedy. But we can be sure of one thing-Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us, and He is the ultimate source of our peace, joy, happiness and completeness.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Ultrasound News
Anyone who knows me for more than 10 minutes probably knows that I struggle with worry-or trusting God. Throughout ALL of my last pregnancy I worried daily. In the first trimester it was miscarriage, in the second it was preterm labor and in the third it was cord issues. And guess what??? When she came it was SIDS! And every time she leaves my arms and drives away with someone, or I leave her with someone, I consciously kiss her like it may be the last time I see her. What a way to live huh? But just like with you, He is oh so patient with me and he will spend the rest of my life making me more like Him through trials, pain, life lessons etc..
This pregnancy there has been some progess in that area. I now know, it doesn't really pay to worry so much, because what I fear, or the possibility of something going wrong is ALWAYS there. Getting to the second trimester or the third and so on, won't take my worry away. I am more relaxed in this pregnancy. I drink my small morning cup of coffee almost daily, I take tylenol, I take pepcid (I still won't eat those coldcuts though!).
But after going to our routine ultrasound to find out that our baby has a soft marker for Trisomy 18 or Down Syndrome I am surprisingly not freaking out. I think it's because having a "marker" has simply doubled our chances of a normal pregnancy of our baby having one of these problems. We are being sent to a level two ultrasound where they will look for more markers. If they find more (I think three) then they would recomend an amnio. If they find no other markers, it is probably a calcium deposit and we would just have to wait it out.
So...it is what it is. It is comforting to know statistics blah blah blah...but doesn't everything that happens to me passes through the hands of my Father good or bad? Doesn't He give AND take away??? My prayers of late go like this: Father...you can have it all...but if you decide that is what is best...then whatever you do don't let go of me when I walk that hard road after loss, heartache and pain.
So if you are reading this, please pray that by our level 2 ultrasound next week that the spot they found on this baby's heart will disapper. But ultimately that God's will, will happen and we will be OK with it.
This pregnancy there has been some progess in that area. I now know, it doesn't really pay to worry so much, because what I fear, or the possibility of something going wrong is ALWAYS there. Getting to the second trimester or the third and so on, won't take my worry away. I am more relaxed in this pregnancy. I drink my small morning cup of coffee almost daily, I take tylenol, I take pepcid (I still won't eat those coldcuts though!).
But after going to our routine ultrasound to find out that our baby has a soft marker for Trisomy 18 or Down Syndrome I am surprisingly not freaking out. I think it's because having a "marker" has simply doubled our chances of a normal pregnancy of our baby having one of these problems. We are being sent to a level two ultrasound where they will look for more markers. If they find more (I think three) then they would recomend an amnio. If they find no other markers, it is probably a calcium deposit and we would just have to wait it out.
So...it is what it is. It is comforting to know statistics blah blah blah...but doesn't everything that happens to me passes through the hands of my Father good or bad? Doesn't He give AND take away??? My prayers of late go like this: Father...you can have it all...but if you decide that is what is best...then whatever you do don't let go of me when I walk that hard road after loss, heartache and pain.
So if you are reading this, please pray that by our level 2 ultrasound next week that the spot they found on this baby's heart will disapper. But ultimately that God's will, will happen and we will be OK with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)